What Fuels Us When Our Freedoms Are Being Threatened and Revoked?
Self-care in isolation is not the flex right now. Instead, let's connect in community, be unpredictably compassionate, and cap our capacity.
As a proud member of the LGBTQ+ community, it can feel especially hard to not feel discouraged or even defeated as our basic human rights are being pulled out from under us, state by state. This year during Pride Month, many corporations are backing down from LGBTQ+ support, fearing conservative backlash that could result in a decline in revenue. Profit over people—and the opposite of conscious leadership.
It’s easy to see that the religious right wants to erase us—an already vulnerable community that simply want to live our best lives. Our very existence is being threatened by wounded leaders and religious zealots—whether we are women, Black, Brown, Indigenous, disabled, and/or LGBTQIA+. There is an interconnectedness among the marginalized in how we are mistreated, systemically oppressed, and dehumanized by those in positions of power.
It’s easy to create more separation by othering “them,” but what if there were more generative options available to us as an underrepresented collective? I believe that there are three sources we can pour into each other as fuel: community, compassion, and capacity.
Community: Connection, Care, and Joy
Self-care is vital to healing and is certainly part of the trauma integration process—and, it’s equally as important to understand how much we humans thrive in community. When the world feels like a dumpster fire, we are not built or meant to live in isolation.
Communal care is what we need now more than ever. Building and nurturing a strong, supportive network allows us to share resources, offer guidance, and provide emotional support to one another.
We connect to hold and be held. We commune to create joy. Let’s double-down on gathering in intimate spaces where we can celebrate our identities, honor our unique journeys, and find solace in the company of those who understand our struggles. Through shared laughter, artistic expression, and meaningful conversations, we can cultivate moments of joy and remind ourselves of the beauty that exists within our wondrous community.
Compassion: An Unpredictable Aspiration
“When we harden our hearts against anyone, we hurt ourselves.” says Pema Chodron in The Places That Scare You.
It costs nothing to have compassion for the conditions in one’s life that have led them to judge, discriminate against, or hate others. There is, however, more expansion available for our own hearts when we do.
The unpredictable aspiration of compassion is this: “May all beings, without exception, be free of suffering and the root of suffering. May all beings no longer be captured by their prejudices.”
While this can be a challenging practice in the face of fear, it can also bring great comfort to see the humanity in others that they cannot see in us. When we view wounded leaders, like Donald Trump, Ron DeSantis, and the vast majority of the GOP as scared children in suits, it becomes easier to comprehend how their respective upbringings have caused them to make others feel powerless. Their irrational behaviors are a projection of their suffering—the powerlessness they themselves inherited and/or felt during childhood—and will do everything in their power to never feel again.
Emerging neuroscience research shows how continuous trauma throughout childhood can lead to a shutdown of the genetic capacity to produce the hormones required for empathy, compassion, relationships, a sense of connectedness, and belonging. If that leaves the genetic structure to produce only adrenal and cortisol, the implication is that some leaders could be locked into operating unconsciously from a place of threat perception. The consequences are startling when they are charged with making decisions that impact entire organizations, states, and countries.
—from Heal to Lead: Revolutionizing Leadership through Trauma Healing
Choosing not to cast judgement on others who are different from us is not an “avoidance tactic,“ as some right-wing Christian nationalists would have you believe. It is a practice rooted in love and kindness. And, as Chodron suggests, “it definitely requires the training of a warrior.”
Capacity: Agency through Boundaries
To be clear, having compassion for those who attack our very existence does not mean we need to also have capacity to receive the projection of their unprocessed pain.
Placing self-aware limits on what we’re willing to accept or endure is the opposite of hardening ourselves, holding tight to isolating behavior, or building walls around our hearts.
Capacity and compassion can coexist. And we gain agency through the enactment of clear, healthy boundaries and, simultaneously, sending loving compassion to others. We can choose not to place ourselves in situations that may cause harm—emotionally, physically, or spiritually. That includes eliminating someone’s access to us, particularly if they are hurtful, aggressive, dangerous, or judgmental. In this way, capping our capacity is another act of self-love.
As we navigate these turbulent times, let’s remember that our strength lies in our unity, our compassion, and our unwavering spirit. Between the love and support of our LGBTQ+ community, embracing the transformative power of compassion, and knowing when to set boundaries for our well-being, we can sustainably continue to pave the way for a future where our identities are celebrated, and our rights are protected.
Soul liberation is our birthright, and these sources will fuel us on our darkest days until we can all come to realize that.
Group Coaching for Healing Leaders (August - December)
I see healing leaders as the way showers who inevitably face adversity because of the light they bring. So, I created a first-of-its-kind group leadership coaching circle for those doing healing work in the world—trauma-informed, social change, DEI, gender-affirming or reproductive health advocacy, or climate/land justice. It’s called High-Conscious and Curious.
If you’re a healing leader doing healing work and seeking a supportive growth environment where integrity meets strategy, my invitation is to de-program and prepare.
Curated circles are limited to 20 people, and the next cohort runs for 4 months, August through December 2024. More at https://klcampbell.com/high-conscious-and-curious-group-leadership-coaching/ and feel free to ask any questions as they arise.