First-Hand Lessons from the Dalai Lama and Family
For two weeks, I stayed at the residence of His Holiness' family in India, where I deepened my ability to embody compassion—and to love abundantly.
In 2017, the final keynote of The World Happiness Summit was delivered by a woman named Anahita Moghaddam. So compelled by her talk on mindfulness, the divine feminine, and human potential, I inquired about coaching on Buddhist psychology and contemplative science.
After a year or so of working together, she invited me to study with her teacher, His Holiness the Dalai Lama.
That plan would not come to fruition for several years due to Covid. But this year, timing aligned in so many beautiful ways, and I arrived in McLeod Ganj, Dharamsala on September 5, 2024, a few days after Anahita.
We shared a room at the home of the Dalai Lama’s late mother, which has been converted into a guest house for family, friends, and traveling monks—now run by the Dalai Lama’s youngest brother, Tenzin Choegyal, his wife, Rinchen Khando Choegyal, and their son, Tenzin Lodoe. As I begin to write this, I’m sitting in their stunningly minimalist office, feeling so much reverence for this place and these people.
Mrs. Choegyal also runs Dolma Ling Nunnery and Institute in Dharamshala. She founded Dolma Ling to provide lifelong safety, housing, education, and skills training for nuns who have escaped Tibet. In fact, she has worked to simultaneously preserve and change the culture of Tibet by advocating for equal education for the nuns. If you have the means, please consider joining me in sponsoring one of the nuns for less than $1 per day.
On the day I arrived in Dharamshala, Anahita and I walked up to the Temple of His Holiness to get a sense of the place—sans thousands of people seated inside. It was an incredibly steep trek, but there was a cafe stop plus a handful of sacred cows, well-behaved dogs, and mischievous monkeys along the way.
While the path can sometimes seem daunting, the view (perspective) is always worth the effort.
The next day, a transmission was given by Samdhong Rinpoche on the Avalokiteshvera Guru Yoga Practice. It was powerful to receive.
What began as a seed in each one of us becomes an “indestructible drop” of essence and pure potential that resides in our hearts from birth until death; it is up to us to realize it in this lifetime (or not).
I saw His Holiness in-person for the first time at a Long Life Prayer held in his honor at the Temple on September 7th. He was just recovering from knee replacement surgery and not feeling well, so the ceremony was likely shorter than normal. Anahita and I were lucky to sit among dignitaries as we watched members of the Monpa Community of Arunachal Pradesh bring offerings to him and receive blessings in return. The humility he embodies is palpable, even when ill and when being revered by a tribe that has traveled so far to honor him.
On the following day, we met with Ian, one of Anahita’s friends and a former monk from Australia who transcribes texts from Tibetan to English for His Holiness. He gave an impromptu dharma talk, and over the course of a few hours over tea, the three of us had a mind-expanding conversation—ranging from the history of Dharamshala, Tibetan Buddhism and Kalachakra to quantum physics, orgone energy, epoché (in phenomenology, the suspension of judgment), and the Hamas-Israel war and genocide in Palestine.
It was refreshing to engage in real, respectful dialogue with a new-to-me human about topics that were so cerebral and weighted.
Saying goodbye to Ian, we walked a kora (a ritual circumambulating route) around the residence of the Dalai Lama, spinning the hundreds of prayer wheels that line the path. Each wheel is filled with the same mantra—“Om mani padme hum”—written on small scraps of paper. With each spin, you essentially purify your karma and accumulate wisdom and merit.
Om: the sound that represents the creation of the universe.
Mani: the jewel; how we become compassionate, loving, and attain enlightenment.
Padme: the lotus flower, which grows from the mud underwater and blooms by following the light.
Hum: the union of intention and wisdom; the closing of the prayer.
“The essence of Buddhism is to have a good heart.”
— His Holiness the Dalai Lama
On September 12th, I attended a general teaching by His Holiness, translated live from Tibetan to English via my little FM radio. At the moment, his focus is to remind people that we must go beyond ritual. Spinning prayer wheels, meditating, filling water bowls at the altars of our deities, and reciting mantras are part of the Tibetan Buddhist practice; however, one’s primary intention should not be about accumulating merit to generate good karma.
It is the embodiment of compassion and how we live the dharma, in even the most mundane interactions, that is the ethos of the practice.
The final gift I received as a direct transmission from His Holiness was a note about the importance of emptiness. The goal for us as humans is to loosen attachments to our views, stories, and assumptions. He said that “we must understand that things do not appear as they seem; in this way, perception can be a root of suffering.”
It is a misperception on our part to believe that anything is separate from us.
For further context, this idea opposes the capitalist idea that a self can prosper through competition. If we are committed to developing our understanding of interdependence—everything exists in relation to other causes and conditions—we can awaken to the importance of community and connection, tolerance and radical responsibility, a collective sense of humanity, and a deeper willingness to find shared purpose.
When I reduce all of this down, it feels familiar—akin to how I have talked about high-conscious leadership in Heal to Lead.
It felt like a convergence of every moment that led me to be sitting within feet of this teacher, absorbing concepts and a way of being that felt in alignment. But, beyond that, it felt like a remembering of knowledge that had been locked away in some hidden library for far too long. It made sense, not because it was new and logical, but because it was familiar and right, especially right now.
Something in me shifted over the course of the two weeks I spent in India. I’m still integrating all that I’ve learned and observed, the place, the wisdom of the people. The simplicity of life and cultural richness so present in India, the energy of Dharamshala in particular.
I’ve returned from this trip with an ethereal wisdom or quiet power; I’m not sure how else to describe it. My capacity to love, particularly those who have harmed me, has expanded. The contents of my heart are well known to me now. And the compassion I have for others far outweighs my previous default to judgment.
Before I left for India, my fiancée slipped a notecard into my bag. Along with some sweet and encouraging words, she included this quote by His Holiness the Dalai Lama: “Love is the absence of judgment.”
Truer words have never been spoken.
"It made sense, not because it was new and logical, but because it was familiar and right, especially right now." This is such a beautiful way to speak to truth. Thank you for sharing your journey. Welcome home.